War Record of Light Music: KEION!
by WOHTP
Summary: This is the heroic? tale of one merry band of adventurers: Yui the fighter, Mio the ranger, Ritsu the cleric, Tsumugi the mage, and Azusa the paladin.  There will be sword and magic and monsters and demons.  And afternoon tea, of course.
1. 1－1

A/N:

**Beware of YURI**: seriously, what else did you expect in a K-ON fanfic?

You might see some familiar Dungeon and Dragon elements here, but this is _not_ a D&D fiction. You can count on me to break D&D settings and rules as often as I see fit. In fact I think the deviation is large enough that WotC wouldn't be able to sue me :)

I have been writing this in Chinese for over a year now, and I must be crazy to even attempt the translation of this into English. This is my first time writing anything remotely literary in English, so please do send me suggestions if you spot an awkward sentence or two. Or three. Or a whole lot.

If you read Chinese, feel free to go to my blog for the latest update; I think there's a link in my profile. If you read Chinese and think you are up to the task of translating, LET ME KNOW! After working on the first few chapters, I really think I should spend my time writing new stuff, rather than translating...

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><p>The spring always comes late in the North. It was nearing the end of March, and the weather had only begun to turn warmer recently. Yet the small town was still dotted with snow from the previous night.<p>

The snow on this road had been cleared, though; it was after all the only major street of the town. If you walked along the road toward the town limit, the shops on both sides quickly gave way to residences, and you could see the mothers greeting each other while sending their kids out to school.

Similar scene was also enacted at the Hirasawa residence, but neither the person leaving nor the person seeing her off fit into the picture... Not that Ui wasn't the motherly figure of the house, but the one she's sending off was a certain Hirasawa Yui, who didn't appear younger at all, and was indeed older by a year.

"Are you sure about this, Onee-chan? Maybe I really ought to go with you..." Ui said. The natural airhead sister of hers was her eternal liability.

"No problem!" Yui gave her worried sister a thumb up, displaying her perfectly groundless confidence. "You know your Onee-chan is an experienced adventurer; a few bandits on the way aren't any threat at all. And how can the Town Patrol do without you?"

It was true that Ui, as the captain and the martial art instructor of the Town Patrol, can't just leave the town on her whim.

"But, Onee-chan is going alone. What if, what if something bad happens?"

Yui felt that she was looked down upon and protested, "I am just going to the city to deliver a letter for the old lady next door; it's not like I am going fight a dragon. And I HAVE slain a dragon before... "

Yui's protesting went on and on. Ui was thinking: it's true that her older sister was a high-level fighter, and they HAD slain a red dragon at one point during their past adventurer's life. But then they also had other trusty teammates helping out. Then again, Yui wasn't wrong that the "mission" was a simple FedEx errand; she just had to follow the well-maintained highway into the nearest city. It's kind of far, but what's the danger? Maybe a few bandits, but rather unlikely. And possibly a grizzle waking up from hibernation. Yui wasn't reliable, but there shouldn't be anything that could harm her... Right?

Ui was still worried even after Yui had departed.

The Hirasawas were a family of famed adventurers. The exploits, both heroic and romantic, of Mr. and Mrs. Hirasawa had been the favorites of bards across the Realm. They retired temporarily from adventuring after they had Yui, and by then they had already reached the so-called "mythological levels", gaining powers far exceeding what most mortals could ever hope for.

When Ui became able to take care of Yui by herself, the senior Hirasawas once again resumed their adventuring life style, and they were probably wandering in who-know-which alternate plane of existence at the very moment. As the family friends they entrusted their young children to were also adventurers, the Hirasawa sisters started their own adventuring career very early.

Withing just a few years, even though still lagging far behind her parents, Ui had earned herself a reputation. You could just go to any local watering hole close by, and listen to the latest tales of heroes and heroines in the realm. "The second daughter of the Hirasawas" would be the first one getting mentioned, barring only those handful of famous characters in the mythological levels, each about as powerful as a demi-god.

And Yui? Just look at her stats, you would conclude that she's on par with Ui. If she doesn't goof up, that is.

And you know that's just impossible.

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><p>One note on character levels:<p>

The level cap in the Realm of Light Music is 25. Anything past 25 are referred to as _mythological_. Only a few characters who have more love from the author will see the cap-removal mod installed. Or in the case of Mr and Mrs Hirasawa, characters who are supposed to be strong yet won't appear in the main storyline.

Our beloved HTT girls are all at or close to lv 25, with the exception of Azusa, who is somewhere around 15-20.


	2. 1－2

For a simple folk, it took about one whole day to get to the city. Yui was able to do a round trip in one day, but she instead chose to slow down to a stroll, and even started humming whatever tune that came to mind. The errand wasn't particularly urgent, and she'd rather enjoy the nice sunny day in the early spring.

It's a bit past noon when she reached the midpoint of her trip. There was a small hill in front, and the terrain was all flat after that. Even if she took her time, she should be able to get to the city by dusk. A few traveling merchants were resting, with their wagon parked just off the road, and one of them started waving to Yui from afar.

Yui ran toward the merchants; they turned out to be people from her own town. The one waving to Yui was the son of the general store owner, and the wagons filled with new merchandise from the city.

"Going to the city by yourself, eh? May I tempt you with some of our bread?" The guy said, leading Yui into their circle. These people were just having their lunch. Their hard, dense bread rations, specially prepared for travelers, actually tasted quite good, attesting to the superior skill of the baker in the city. But Yui wasn't tempted by a least bit. She opened up her sack, and presented in front of the merchant a lacquer bento box.

"Thnaks, but I have the bento made by Ui!"

Ui's hand-made bento would beat the crap out of their dry bread any given day. The men were all very envious, but couldn't possibly bring themselves to ask for a single bite.

Speaking of Ui, ever since the Hirasawa sisters moved to the town, practically every single bachelor had been enchanted by the younger of the two. Beautiful and caring, wise and intelligent, with supreme martial art skill to boot, she was just a living goddess. But then, none of the young man had any luck in winning heart heart thus far. _Well, it was perhaps no surprise that none of us country bumpkins stood any chance, right?_ The man all thought.

(Ui: I can't get married and leave Onne-chan alone!)

On the other hand, given the reputation of the sisters, they could have gotten themselves hired by any King, Grand Duke or Crowned Prince in the realm easily. Yet these Fuso girls chose instead to work in this little town in the far north, the job not esteemed, the pay not as handsome as it could have been. Well, life sure is full of surprises, isn't it?

(Ui: Onee-chan can't handle the politics of the high society! The environment has to be simple, so that I can better protect Onee-chan!)

(Ui: Besides, she can't take the summer heat...)

Yui? Well she's cute all right. As a possible wife? …... thanks, but no thanks.

* * *

><p>After they had their stomachs filled, Yui and the merchants were about to resume their respective journeys in opposite directions. Just before they parted ways, one of the men advised Yui: "We saw some grizzly footprints up there. You should be careful, Yui-chan."<p>

Another man gave him a shove and said, "Let's go dude. Yui is quite strong. There is no need for us to worry." The wagons were already moving away.

Yui waved to the leaving merchants, and started her climbing.

"Fuwa Fuwa time~~" Yui happily walked on the mountain path, humming all the while. Remember, the merchants had just gone this way with their wagons; the mountain path was evidently not too mountainous. It's practically flat ground for Yui.

There had been a band of highwaymen before, and Ui's first act as the new Town Patrol captain was to round them all up in the city jail.

_(Come to think of it, I heard that there had already been several deaths in the town before we came here. Including the second son of the blacksmith, I think, and his brother was locked up at home by the folks, or else he would be out there killing himself avenging his brother. These young men trained for half a month under Ui, but then didn't Ui just steal all the actions? One bandit down for every strike, and using only the back of her katana! Ui was so cool!)_

_(It was kind of boring that I didn't get to do anything. But then Ui was right, her Onee-chan is just too strong. Those bandits couldn't possibly survive me, hahahaha! Sigh, life sure is tough if you are just too good...)_

Completely lost in memory, Yui only noticed the grizzly bear in the middle of the path when she nearly walked into it.


	3. 1－3

Bears coming out of hibernation are hungry, and that directly affected the mood of this grizzly. Finding a natural airhead walking straight into it, the bear groaned and raised its claws, about to tear this not-so-scrumptious-looking breakfast into bite-sized bits.

Yui's reaction? Her eyes practically turned into heart shape upon seeing the standing bear. She held out a hand, wanting to pat the wild animal. "Furry furry Mr Bear~" she sang.

The bear slashed with its claws. Yui somehow dodged it, but only by rolling on the ground, getting herself all dirty.

The bear had its eyes locked on the free breakfast, and lurched at Yui gnarling. Yui was shocked, and her gut reaction was to turn around and run for her life. The fact that she had left the path and was getting deeper into the mountain was of no concern.

The ground was uneven; the forest without any beaten path wasn't quite runner-friendly. And there was a bear tailing just behind. Yui was only paying attention to the ground directly under her feet, and didn't notice the sudden opening up of the scenery. It's all too late when the ground vanished under her feet, and Yui fell head-down into a deep gorge.

Out of instinct, Yui reached for her dragon-tooth lance on the back, and thrust it into the rock wall on the side. It wasn't enough to stop the fall, but allowed Yui to at least turn her body around. She pushed the lance into the wall deeper, and her downward velocity began to decrease bit by bit. But that's still a little too late; as things stood, she was still on the way to a very intimate contact with the rock bed at the bottom of the gorge.

Yet a little extra time was all she need. She landed her feet on the near-vertical rock wall, pulled out the lance, and leaped into the mid air, tracing out a graceful arc, and landing on the other side of the creek at the bottom of the gorge-

(Mysterious voice in the sky: If she's THAT good, why was she running from the bear anyway?)

(Author: And she's just about to goof up.)

Yui was already mentally applauding to her own acrobatic feat while still in mid-air. Now, the landing had got to be a perfect ten, too, or so she thought. But her forefoot skidded when she touched down.

This was the bottom of a gorge. In the far north. In the early spring. Ice was still everywhere.

The very first action Yui saw in this story ended with her falling heavily on her backside.

"Oww... That hurts..." Yui laid on her side, twitching and crying, with one hand on her injured rear end. She was only able to sit up after a while.

"Mou... Well, at least I get away from the big bad bear. But where am I?" Yui looked around here. There was one small creek, and high rock walls on both sides. She was obviously stranded in the middle of nowhere.

"*sob* I'm sorry Ui. Your Onee-chan cannot look after you anymore. You have to be strong... *sob*"

Yui remained sitting on the ground, sobbing and speaking to herself incoherently, oblivious to the pair of arguing girls approaching from one side of the gorge.

Akiyama Mio had been very upset with her travel companion all day long, and she wasn't about to stop lecturing just now: "This happens because you wanted to take your 'shortcut'. Now where the hell are we?"

"Relax, relax, Mio. The great Goggle will guide all lost souls to their rightful places. I am with Google, and you are with me, so we are not lost at all- ouch!" Tainaka Ritsu just managed to earned herself one of Mio's iron fists.

"All you ever deserve is punishment from your god." Mio continued her dissing of Ritsu. "Nothing good ever happens when I travel with you."

"Huh? Even so, my little Mio has been hanging around me all these times. Why, I wonder?"

"Baka Ritsu!" "Ouch!" Mio got a burning red face, and Ritsu added an inch to her height temporarily with the bump on her head.

And finally the two parties noticed each other. Yui stopped sobbing, and Ritsu and Mio stopped their lovers' quarrel. Since Yui seemed more in-trouble, Mio stepped forward and asked: "Are you all right? Need any assistance?"

"Er... I... Hmm..." Yui wasn't sure whether she should talk with these strangers.

"Don't worry. We are not bad people." Ritsu cut in. "I am Tainaka Ritsu, servant of the Great Google. And this is my companion, the famed lone ranger, Dangerous Queen- Ouch!"

"You are giving me another weird nickname again!" Mio barked, her fist hurt a little after three successive hits. She turned to Yui and offered a proper introduction: "My name is Akiyama Mio, ranger from Sakuragaoka."

Sensing the friendliness of these two strangers, Yui cautiously replied, "I, I am Hirasawa Yui. I'm a fighter."

Even though Yui is just a side character in the Epic Tales of Hirasawa Ui, Mio and Ritsu had indeed heard of her. After Yui recounted her story of being chased by a bear, falling into the gorge, displaying her dazzling acrobatic mid-air move, and the landing failure, Mio asked the question that all you readers probably have by now:

"Er, Miss Hirasawa..."

"Yui is fine. Just call me Yui."

"Then, Yui." Despite her best effort, Mio couldn't find a non-insulting way of asking the question. She just had to ask bluntly:"if you are that strong, why did you run away from the bear?"

"Ah, you're right! I could've just beaten Mr. Bear!" A light bulb went on above Yui's head, and she deeply regretted her oversight.

And Ritsu and Mio were speechless.

* * *

><p>Some more explanation of the background setting is in order. So here are the six principle deities in the Realm of Light Music:<p>

Google, Keeper of the Righteousness: "do no evil", or so they_ say_...

Wikipedia, Goddess of Knowledge: self-explanatory.

Facebook, Mother of All Lives: well you grow stuff in Farmsville...

Apple, God or War: ever seen the "Mac and PC" commercials? Yeah, the war is on.

Microsoft, Lord of Destruction: embrace, and extinct.

Amazon, Patron of Arts and Commerce: another self-explanatory entry.


	4. 1－4

"That's not too embarrassing, anyway." After a long and awkward pause, Ritsu broke the silence. "At some point everyone had been chased by bears over the entire map outside Candle Keep."

"Yeah! Everyone does it! That's not embarrassing!" Yui actually didn't understand a word, but Ritsu seemed to be saying nice things for her, so let's just agree with her.

Mio muttered under her breath, "Please don't use such an age-old reference, and please don't pretend you understand the reference if you don't..."

"What did you just say, Mio-chan?" Yui didn't hear Mio clearly, and asked the honest question. Mio couldn't stand being looked at innocently by Yui, and changed the subject of the talk:

"So, Yui, you have no idea how to get out of here either?"

"Are Ricchan and Mio-chan lost, too? And I thought you could show me the way..." Yui seemed a bit disappointed, but quickly turned back to being cheerful again. "Anyway. If I stick together with Ricchan and Mio-chan, I am sure that we will manage."

"Well said! Then leave this to me!" Ritsu exclaimed. She stood erected, her hands clasped together as if praying. "I am the shepherd serving the great Keeper of Righteousness, and it's my job to guide all wayward souls! In the name of Google, I shall reveal this map in its entirety!"

Pure, white light was shone on Ritsu, and for a second it really did appear to work. But Mio noticed the gathering dark cloud in the sky. With a short curse, she took Yui and ducked for cover.

The next moment, a lightning bolt struck down on Ritsu from the sky.

The magics in the Realm can be roughly divided into two categories: arcane spells of the mages, and divine spells of the clerics. The mages manipulate the flow of mana with their vast knowledge, and clerics perform miracles with their unwavering faith and devotion.

Tainaka Ritsu had not a single drop of "devotion" in her body. Consequently, when she attempted to cast a spell, she sometimes got divine punishment instead of divine miracle.

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><p>After being struck by her god, Ritsu dared not cast any spell again, and the three girls had to search for a way out by themselves. But the quickly approaching dusk forced them to camped out at the bottom of the gorge for a night. The girls only managed to get out of the mountain the following morning, looking all beat-up. The remainder of their journey was luckily uneventful, and they got to the city gate by noon.<p>

"We really did get ourselves into a fine mess this time." Ritsu said with a long face. But at the same time she felt relieved: you only have the luxury to complain AFTER you get through in one piece.

Mio gave Ritsu a very ugly look, and then turned to talk to Yui: "Ritsu and I are going to find an inn and have a good rest. Would you like to come with us? You do plan to stay here for the night, and go ack tomorrow, right?"

But Yui then Yui remember her promise: "Ah, I promised Oba-chan that I will deliver the letter the first thing I get here!" Well, the legendary Hirasawa Yui can't go back on her words, can she? Yui sprang to action immediately and ran into the city, but still remembered to turn back and wave at Ritsu and Mio at the same time.

"Mio-chan! Ricchan! I have to do my errand now- Ouch! I'm sorry- Oww! "

Running on a busy city street while looking backward, Yui was on a collision track with just about everything.

Seeing Yui finally disappear at the turn of the street, Mio and Ritsu both let out a long sigh, and the started giggle at how they had the exact same reaction, as if coordinated.

"Wow, that's some incredible display of clumsiness. Those bards' tales don't do justice to her at all." Mio laughed.

"Well, I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of her yet..." Ritsu said. She put her arm around Mio's shoulder, and started to walk her into the inn right off the street. "This is perfect too. With Yui gone, it will be just you and I. I won't let you sle-"

Mio promptly sent Ritsu flying with a judo throw.

(End of Chapter 1)

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><p>AN:

Wow, negative comments. I love . I didn't get a single one of of those on any Chinese sites, and that's not too helpful when it comes to improving oneself.

First of all, I have changed the genre a bit. Now the War Record of Light Music is a parody first, and fantasy second, and I guess that would legitimize the appearance of such terms like "level" and "stat". And indeed, how Ritsu tried to "reveal the map" in this episode. If you get the impression that these people can call up a "stat" window in mid-air... Well, that's not too far from my intention.

In a straight fantasy story, the "level cap" and "cap-removing mod" would have an in-story description like: "the gods had placed a ceiling limiting the power of mortals. Few ever got near the ceiling to begin with, and most of them hit the ceiling and stop. But very rarely, a mortal creature could break the ceiling and attained powers that were only withing reach of higher beings", yadayadayada. But given the parody nature of this, I would much rather telling you with a perfectly straight face that there is a level cap, and certain characters favored by the author get their caps removed.

But I totally agree that bringing game mechanics into writing is a recipe for disaster. Did I draw the line early enough? Please do read on and pass your judgment later, perhaps at the end of next chapter.

The lack of background info is also a conscious decision. This is not an epic (yet), and I believe I shouldn't spoon-feed you tons of irrelevant background. In fact, I think the mention of the six principle deities is the last piece of background info you'll see. Everything you need to know will be revealed through the story itself.

This beginning, though, is undeniably weak. Point well taken. All I can say is, it will get better, and very soon. (But even then, afternoon tea actually gets more attention than adventuring.)


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